I grew up in the '80s and owned more than a hundred G.I. Joes. I
was obsessed for the better part of my childhood with the action
figures. Needless to say, I watched the show as if it held the secrets
to the universe. So when
G.I. Joe:
The Rise of Cobra feature film was announced, naturally I vomited on
myself. Nothing good can come from dredging up '80s nostalgia. What's
next, bringing back Molly Ringwald's awkward dance moves from The
Breakfast Club? What was worse, I knew that a summer feature meant new
toys (that were lesser versions of my '80s collection), some form of
fast food joint tie-in, and a new videogame. Cartoon-to-movie
translations don't have a great track record for quality, but attempts
at cartoon-to-movie-to-game translations fare even worse.
Still, I held out hope that the folks at EA could come up with
something at least decent. They did not. G.I. Joe is an unattractive,
repetitive and humorless videogame with only a few bright moments.
The core idea for G.I. Joe is sound. Create a modern-day version of
Contra with the Joes as the central figures. The first issue with this
is that EA is hampered by the feature film. The movie strips away the
unique outfits of the Joes and so the game has some very bland looking
character models. Gone is what made G.I. Joe so memorable for kids of
the '80s. The personality just isn't there. The characters look boring
as do the environments (snow level, jungle level, desert level, lava
level, bored-out-of-my-mind level).
The gameplay is simple. Move forward through linear levels, hold
down the trigger and shoot everything in your path. Like Contra, there
are some tough moments that require you to dodge incoming fire or risk
death. Unlike Contra, it's just not very fun after the first hour.
Destroying the same enemies, conquering the same obstacles and running
through the similar levels gets old. G.I. Joe is a lengthy game and
will probably take about eight hours for most people to finish. But I
wish it was half that length, because it gets bogged down by its
repetitive structure.
Often
the G.I. Joe game seems trapped by the ideas put forth in the new
movie. Case in point, the Accelerator Suits, which are a major feature
in the film. When you've killed enough bad guys, you just have hit a
button and activate the suit. The suit makes every character look the
same and gives each identical attacks (and a manly voice). So if you
thought the personalities were already being muted, just wait until
they are fully stripped bare by these stupid suits.
EA has thrown in some of the vehicles from the old toyline
including HISS tanks and the Trouble Bubbles, which are welcome
additions. You also get to drive a number of Joe vehicles. But instead
of having the sensation of driving a Warthog in Halo, it feels as
clumsy as if you were steering one of your old toys by hand. Part of
the problem is the static camera, which is an issue on foot but tends
to be more troublesome once in a vehicle.
There is offline co-op on the same system. It's nice to be able to play with a buddy (why should one person suffer alone?).
Playing solo, you can switch back and forth between characters with
the tap of a button. This becomes a necessary survival skill. G.I. Joe
features a regenerative health system that recovers quickly if you use
cover (what's the fun in that?) and slowly if you play out in the open
like a normal person. On casual difficulty, dead characters instantly
respawn. On medium, you recover a downed hero at the checkpoint (most
levels have three). And on hard, once someone dies, they stay dead
through the rest of the level. Though it is marketed as a game for a
general audience, G.I. Joe is surprisingly unforgiving. I never want to
shift to "easy" difficulty, but for me, medium stopped being fun
halfway through the game. The first rule of game design: You never want
your game to stop being fun.
A big part of the issue is that
G.I. Joe
betrays the long-held conventions of "checkpoints." For the past few
decades, when the player sees "Checkpoint Reached" on the screen, they
know that should they fail, they restart at said checkpoint. G.I. Joe
has a new innovation where checkpoints don't do squat. If you fail on
medium or hard, even if you're three checkpoints in and at the final
boss, you have to begin the entire level over again. Checkpoints aren't
safety nets in G.I. Joe, they are actually just load points for the
next section of the level. Don't call it a "checkpoint" if it's not
actually a checkpoint. It's a betrayal of the faith gamers put in a
developer.
For all its many issues, there are some things G.I. Joe does well.
Every character has their own weapon and special attack. That seems
like a minor thing, but it can prove important in battle. You may find
yourself playing characters you never liked in the cartoon (or whom
you've never heard of) simply because their special attack is more
effective than that of Snake Eyes or Duke.
Expect plenty of unlockable Joes (a dozen in all) along with four
playable Cobra villains. Each level is packed with collectibles,
including file cards similar to the old G.I. Joe's back-of-the-box
details. You'll find several PSAs taken straight from the cartoons.
None of the Public Service Announcements explain the "other" half of
the battle (is it lasers?), but at least each one drops some knowledge
to make you 50% prepared for war.
Also,
there are some Joes not in the movie brought into the game. These
characters, such as Wild Bill, are truer to their old selves since they
aren't weighed down by any baggage from the film. And the story, which
takes place after the events of the film, plays out like one of the
week-long sagas from the cartoon. Cobra is collecting pieces from
around the world to build the mysterious MASS Device and the Joes must
go globetrotting to stop the international terrorist group. It's a
goofy plot, but a good fit for G.I. Joe.
Closing Comments
As a fan of
G.I. Joe, I expect a videogame version to make me feel like a Real
American Hero. This didn't come close. The gameplay is unexciting and
the visuals uninspired. There are moments when I found myself enjoying
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, but those moments didn't last long. I wish
I could give this a "Yo Joe!" but all I can manage is a "Yay, I'm done
with this."
A big part of the issue is that
G.I. Joe
betrays the long-held conventions of "checkpoints." For the past few
decades, when the player sees "Checkpoint Reached" on the screen, they
know that should they fail, they restart at said checkpoint. G.I. Joe
has a new innovation where checkpoints don't do squat. If you fail on
medium or hard, even if you're three checkpoints in and at the final
boss, you have to begin the entire level over again. Checkpoints aren't
safety nets in G.I. Joe, they are actually just load points for the
next section of the level. Don't call it a "checkpoint" if it's not
actually a checkpoint. It's a betrayal of the faith gamers put in a
developer.
For all its many issues, there are some things G.I. Joe does well.
Every character has their own weapon and special attack. That seems
like a minor thing, but it can prove important in battle. You may find
yourself playing characters you never liked in the cartoon (or whom
you've never heard of) simply because their special attack is more
effective than that of Snake Eyes or Duke.
Expect plenty of unlockable Joes (a dozen in all) along with four
playable Cobra villains. Each level is packed with collectibles,
including file cards similar to the old G.I. Joe's back-of-the-box
details. You'll find several PSAs taken straight from the cartoons.
None of the Public Service Announcements explain the "other" half of
the battle (is it lasers?), but at least each one drops some knowledge
to make you 50% prepared for war.
Also,
there are some Joes not in the movie brought into the game. These
characters, such as Wild Bill, are truer to their old selves since they
aren't weighed down by any baggage from the film. And the story, which
takes place after the events of the film, plays out like one of the
week-long sagas from the cartoon. Cobra is collecting pieces from
around the world to build the mysterious MASS Device and the Joes must
go globetrotting to stop the international terrorist group. It's a
goofy plot, but a good fit for G.I. Joe.
Closing Comments
As a fan of
G.I. Joe, I expect a videogame version to make me feel like a Real
American Hero. This didn't come close. The gameplay is unexciting and
the visuals uninspired. There are moments when I found myself enjoying
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, but those moments didn't last long. I wish
I could give this a "Yo Joe!" but all I can manage is a "Yay, I'm done
with this.
Author by:
Hilary Goldstein
